Tag: Toddler

“We get what we get and we don’t throw a fit”

Posted on by Pints with Pops

We were out for dinner at our usual Monday night spot. When our food came Layton asked that we pray, so we did. We normally pray before dinner at home but it’s not a regular practice when we’re out. He then proceeded to say a “thank you” that he learned at school. Shortly after that he said “we get what we get and we don’t throw a fit“. I found the timing of the comment interesting considering he ordered what he normally orders and nothing was different about it. Seeing as he made the comment at dinner time I figured they were told at school they get whatever food is being served and we don’t throw a fit about it. The nice way of saying “deal with it”. When I asked Layton about it another day I didn’t get a straight answer as to when they said that at school. He said “we get what car we have and don’t get the car that someone else has”, relating to toy cars and you shouldn’t go take someone else’s because you don’t like the one you have. So this comment has stuck with me for several weeks now. I talked about it a little with a fellow father but am still dwelling on it in my mind.
Not knowing the context has perplexed me a little. I can understand the food situation. A childcare center/school has to take into consideration every child’s needs so the food selections are not vast and certainly not custom. I completely understand that. I was a little taken aback when he mentioned the car thing. Instead of saying “we get what we get and we don’t throw a fit” if the child doesn’t like the car they are given, suggest to them to ask another child if they would like to switch, encourage problem solving rather than “deal with it”. This may not work in every scenario and the child may still have to deal with what they have but making an attempt to get what you want and not succeeding builds resilience and develops their ability to control/understand emotions, compared with the feeling that this is what I’ve been given and don’t have a choice. I’m likely taking this to the extreme considering I don’t know what specific scenarios the phrase is used in at school. I’m also not an educator so this is from an outsider’s perspective and I generally will not question their teaching methods as I am not trained as an early-childhood educator.
I have used the phrase against him at home now that I know he’s aware of what it means. I’ve also tried to keep perspective on what I “force” on him. For example, he doesn’t like to pick out his clothes and if he does it’s likely what he wore the day before or something that is dirty. If he doesn’t like what I picked for him I tell him to go pick out what he wants to wear. He usually ends up wearing what I picked out because he brings back something that’s dirty, but I always give him the opportunity to wear what he wants. Same with doing things at home. I ask him what he wants to play rather than tell him what we’re going to play; however, there are times I will tell him no and to pick something else. I always try to provide an explanation if I say no. It’s not always received well but he always gets an explanation.
To summarize, I want him to make choices for himself and know that he has options. I also want to be sure he knows that even if he makes a choice he may not get what he wants. In situations where he is told what he gets he can always choose to have nothing at all. Eventually he will learn to evaluate accepting what is given and the consequence of the alternative, for now he’s a little young to comprehend that.
Now that I have successfully over-complicated a simple phrase, what are your thoughts on it?

I sent this out to my Pints with Pops email group and was quickly informed this is a children’s book. I feel very enlightened. The title is You get what you get by Julie Gassman. It is a fun read and I will definitely be reading it to my son.

Christmas Season with a 3 Year Old

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We’ve had a fun holiday season so far and are looking forward to the next week and a half getting to spend some quality time with family and friends.
As the Christmas season came into focus Layton found his book about the story of Christmas and Jesus’s birth, so we’ve spent lots of time reading that, many times it’s been read 3 or 4 times continuously. With that he also found his book about the story of Easter. So if you’re reading about Jesus’s birth you might as well read about Jesus’s death at the same time. This led to a more interesting conversation about Jesus coming back after he was buried. The conversation turned to Layton asking about Jesus coming back and that it was Jesus’s spirit. This led to Layton asking about Jesus’s body and “how he poop with no body”? The minds of toddlers are amazing.
Attention: Potential Santa spoiler. Stop reading if you are age 137 years or younger and do not wish to read Santa spoilers.
On the other end of the spectrum, Layton has been rather easy on Santa this year. He’s kept his request the same from the first ask through today. So Santa and his helpers haven’t had to pivot mid-season. It is also a reasonable ask so we are hopeful Santa can deliver. We are also of the mindset that mom and dad will step in for any “big” gifts and requests to Santa should remain modest as he needs to deliver to all the children and may be stretched too thin if he has to bring “big” gifts to everyone. Layton had three visits with Santa this year. Visits two and three were impromptu encounters. The second visit was a little sketchy and flirted with disaster. Layton got up on Santa’s lap and Santa asked Layton’s name. Layton responded “I tell you last week”. Ok, this should be interesting. My wife stepped in and informed Santa of his name. Then Santa asked what he would like for Christmas, same response, “I tell you last week”. Santa was at a loss. Again, my wife stepped in and got Layton and Santa out of what could have turned into an ugly situation. Layton asked after “why Santa not remember”? Again, props to my wife, she explained that there are millions of children that Santa talks to and he needs help remembering who each child is and what they want, that’s why he checks his list twice. He accepted that explanation, crisis averted… for this year. Consider this my apology in advance if my child ruins Santa for your children in any way now or in the future. He’s apparently too smart for his own good.

End of spoiler, continue reading.

With that, I hope you are able to take time to be with those who matter most to you. I hope you can embrace the time you have with your family and loved ones no matter how short the visit may be. I know, as you all do, this can be a stressful time of year going between family visits, parties, and preparing for your own festivities. Take time to stop and pause during it all, take a breath, and give a hug or a smile. We do all of the “hustle and bustle” so we can spend time with those that matter to us, be sure to stop the “hustle and bustle” and be present for the spending time part.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy New Year!

Naps

Posted on by Pints with Pops

They’re a pretty simple thing, naps. Part way through the day the child takes a break, closes their eyes, and rests for an hour or two. Generally they wake up refreshed, ready for the rest of what the day has in store. For the parents, naps are a needed relief from the constant attention the child rightfully craves.

This weekend we had two days with no naps. Yikes. He was surprisingly great both days without a nap. I think we, the parents, missed the nap more than he did. One positive, he went to bed earlier. We missed our welcome relief, but to be honest at least the one of the two days I was home, the relief didn’t seem like it was needed. He was pleasant without a nap, as pleasant as a toddler can be.

The lack of naps actually made me a bit sad. Not because of missing the relief period, but because he’s becoming stronger and more indepedent. Those are great things, it just means he’s growing up, and I’m going to miss this, as challenging as some days are. A week or so ago I got to enjoy a nap with him on my chest. That’s a rare thing these days. I know the number of naps I get with him are numbered so I’m going to enjoy them while I can. Such a peaceful time of simple bonding. I will truly miss it.

Really, it was a great weekend with him, but there’s a little sad mixed in knowing he’s growing up.

The Blueberry Discussion

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Have you ever tried to have a discussion with a toddler? It goes absolutely nowhere but in circles. These discussions aren’t generally deep, not like a disciplinary discussion. My most favorite recent one was this past week. We were outside looking at our blueberry plants. We have one in a pot that is doing great and two in the ground that I clearly should have put fencing around as the rabbits have chewed them down to the ground. Layton asked where the blueberries were on the two in the ground and I told him the rabbits ate them. He proceeded to tell me he wanted to eat the blueberries. I told him we wouldn’t have blueberries on those this year because the rabbits ate them. He queried me on why. I explained that the rabbits were hungry. I then said we should get rid of the rabbits so the blueberries could grow and he could eat them. I was expecting him to agree with me. I got the opposite. Not only did he want the rabbits to stay, he was angry that I would want them gone. I said “Layton, if the rabbits stay, you won’t get any blueberries”. He then yelled back at me from across the yard, he ran away because he was angry, “NO, I SHARE WITH THE RABBITS!” Trying not to laugh I told him if he shared there wouldn’t be any blueberries because the rabbits would eat them all and the bushes. This back and forth went on for several minutes until I couldn’t contain my laughter and just gave up on the conversation. I’ll get some fencing up after we get new bushes planted. I also need to get the bird netting up before the bush in the planter starts producing otherwise we’ll be sharing with the birds as well. What I know about me and quickly realized about him is that we’re right until proven wrong. My wife and friends would all support that statement. I haven’t been able to prove him wrong yet and he’s still too young to get it. Either way it made for a very entertaining discussion with him. That’s just one, we’ve had many like that and they usually end in me laughing. I am happy though that he’s aware of what he’s talking about and how he feels about it. I definitely encourage the discussions because I want him to share his opinion with me even if he doesn’t realize the extent of what he’s talking about.

Fire Truck Shirts

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Today was picture day at school. The big question in our household was “what will Layton wear for pictures?” Fire truck shirts are currently the only acceptable wardrobe piece for our little man. In an effort to have him look “nice” for his pictures we asked him to pick out a button up shirt from his closet in advance that he would be willing to wear. He did so without a challenge and we hung it on his dresser for today. My wife is typically gone in the morning when Layton gets up, so getting ready and dropping him off are my responsibility. It’s been that way from the beginning so we have a pretty solid routine down. It did not follow the typical routine this morning.

He got up, found me, and asked to read a book. So far so good. After our book I tell him it’s time to get ready for school. I reminded him it was picture day and he should get the shirt he picked out off his dresser. He responds “I no like that shirt.” I reminded him he picked it out and wanted to wear it. “I no like that shirt.” Ok, we’d like you to look “nice” for your pictures at school today, please pick a shirt out from your closet. “Me no like buttons.” Thus begins a lot of me yelling, him saying no, me trying to explain why he should wear a “nice” shirt for pictures, him saying no, me saying we want you to look nice in your pictures, he reluctantly put on a polo still saying no, me yelling, him crying, me yelling, him crying, then I gave myself a timeout. I then thought WTF am I doing? I’m arguing with a three year-old about what shirt to wear for school pictures. Why does that matter at all? Every reason I gave him, which were very few, to wear a “nice” shirt for pictures were completely idiotic and self-serving. The only people who would care what shirt he wore for his pictures were me and my wife. He hasn’t worn a shirt with buttons on since Christmas and before that I couldn’t tell you. We both calmed down and I asked him what shirt he wanted to wear. He said “this one” in a very somber tone, referring to the polo he had on. An incredibly heartbreaking compromise on his part, clearly in an effort to make me happy. We sat in his room for a while. I apologized for yelling, gave him a hug, and told him I loved him. I asked him what shirt do you really want to wear? He went to his drawer and pulled out a fire truck shirt. I said ok, let’s put it on. He was clearly very happy. I was as well. Whether he smiles in his pictures or not is one question but at least I’ll know he is himself in those pictures, not who I wanted him to look like. This may seem small but I am guessing it was huge for him.

Another thought that came to mind from this morning’s episode is why he doesn’t like buttoned shirts. I don’t know if this is the reason but it may make sense on some level. I work in an office environment and wear polo’s and button up shirts everyday. If I am wearing one and it’s not the normal “work time” Layton will ask “why you wearing work clothes?” If he associates those specific clothes with work, which would then mean me leaving him, I could see the deeper connection of him not liking buttoned shirts. Maybe I’m thinking too deep on it and he simply likes fire truck shirts that much. Either way this morning brought some needed perspective.

8 Pancakes

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I was not home to see this first hand but was able to partake in the cleaning effort after the fact. My wife picked Layton up from school on a Friday and he went to his room and she was doing some things in another room. This is pretty common for him to go to his room after school. The majority of the time he lays on the floor with a book and “reads” to himself. My wife had his monitor on and could only see the top of his head and heard him counting. He got to eight which is pretty exciting. She went in and asked what he was doing. He responded “making pancakes” with a big smile. “Making pancakes” equated to him counting the pancakes he was making… on his carpet… with petroleum jelly. A full, brand new jar, of petroleum jelly, all emptied onto his carpet in pancake form. Not something you can really be mad about because he’s just exploring, counting, and playing with something we didn’t even know was in his room. It was tucked way in the back of his top dresser drawer from when he was an infant and we never needed to use it; of course he would find it, they find everything that could make a mess. I got a phone call on my way home from work informing me what happened. This led to a lot of Googling how to get petroleum jelly out of carpet. A trip to the store to rent a rug doctor and clean carpets throughout the house before Christmas, because if you’re going to clean one room you might as well do the entire house. There are still a few small spots we couldn’t quite get out. Now it’s an ongoing battle with Dawn dish soap. That was not how we had planned to spend our Friday night.

Merry Christmas!

Posted on by Pints with Pops
It’s been a while since my last post. I hope you have been able to and continue to enjoy the holiday season with your families.
There has been a lot happening in our household over the last two months. The most notable being the basement project after our sump pump incident. That project is still ongoing but making good progress.
Layton is an absolute joy right now. There is a little sarcasm there but he is really a lot of fun at this age. Everything is “firefighter” right now. His grandpa and uncle are both firefighters so he really loves the idea of being a firefighter. That means everything he wears has to be red or have a fire truck on it. Never mind that grandpa’s fire trucks don’t have a spec of red on them. The most recent example of the “red” syndrome was red socks. He wore the same pair of red socks, without taking them off, for two days straight. I realize two days is not a long time but to not take them off even for bedtime is a little ridiculous. Try and take them off though? Not a chance. It’s not worth trying to convince him the world is not ending over a pair of socks. The next night was bath night so we were able to convince him to take them off. Try and convince him to try using the big boy potty using the “firefighters use the big potty” approach and he says “not me”. Ok, we’re not there yet. The firefighter thing has led to some fun moments as well. We were celebrating Christmas with my wife’s family this past weekend and he opened one of his presents and it was a new fire chief shirtwith fire trucks on and he held it up and yelled so excitedly “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY” with biggest smile on his face. Close enough on the birthday idea. It was priceless.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Rough Weekend

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I’ve written a couple times to my Pints with Pops email group about the “terrible two’s”.  My mindset on the idea of the terrible two’s is they are as much on the parent to make positive as it is on the toddler making them terrible.  Two year olds are trying to become independent which makes parents uncomfortable.  We then try to stifle their independence because we have different objectives for our day.  We prefer to make the pancakes without their help because they will be done more efficiently and without a mess.  We pour the milk so it doesn’t get spilt.  We have them ride in the cart at the grocery store instead of pushing their own miniature cart so they don’t run into people/things and don’t try to purchase unnecessary items.  My wife and I are very supportive of letting our two year old have his independence.  This does not mean we let him do whatever he wants.  There have to be boundaries.

This past weekend he really pushed us to the limits as parents.  There was a lot of yelling from both sides and a few timeouts, for both sides.  As I reflect on this weekend and what caused all the consternation it wasn’t for a lack of our letting him be independent.  All of the situations we got upset with were him pushing boundaries that need to be respected.  Simple things like changing a dirty diaper morphed into needing restraining straps (we don’t have those, but wow they would have been helpful).  Sitting in his car seat was no longer something he felt was necessary.  Instead of allowing himself to be buckled in he needed to climb all over the backseat and jump on the groceries.  Jumping in the bathtub, not ok.  These were just the big things.  There was a lot of simply not listening when asked to do something.  On top of that he would hit and spit when upset in addition to crying so we had that to talk through with him as well.  All of these things are designed to keep him healthy and safe.  Those are boundaries I do not allow to be pushed.

I would say the past week he’s been sporadic with his listening and the weekend was a culmination of a lot of so-so days all piled up for a fantastic display of emotions.

I like Monday’s.  I look forward to them.  If you had a bad week Monday is the new beginning, the week is still full of potential.  I am hopeful our rough week/weekend is past us and we can look forward to getting back into the weekly routine and making more fun memories with him.  We’re all allowed bad days and sometimes you need a few all in a row.  He is a fantastic kid so it’s not surprising the rough patch all piled up into a few days.  As a parent, we’re allowed bad days as well; just remember how you handle it impacts your child.  I needed to apologize to Layton for yelling at him just as he needed to apologize to mom for hitting her and not listening when we asked him to stop jumping in the bathtub.  It was definitely not a perfect parenting weekend, it rarely is, but hopefully we got some of the negative emotions out and can have a great week.

Here’s to a new week!

The Bedtime Struggle

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Every night at bedtime we go through a struggle. It’s pretty normal for a two and a half year old to not want to go to bed. There’s so much to do and explore. The struggle isn’t with Layton though. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a real struggle every night.

The struggle I have to deal with is internal. I realize that one day I’m not going to get to read him books at bedtime, rock him to sleep, “fly” him around the yard, or do any of the other incredibly fun stuff I get to do with him each evening. I want to keep doing all that stuff as much as he does, probably more, because I know there will come a time when he won’t want to. But, bedtime needs to happen, for both of us. So I do the routine and put him to bed and think while reading to him “I hope this isn’t the last time”. Fortunately I think we have a ways to go yet, but I truly do my best to cherish that time. As Brad Paisley sang, “there’s a last time for everything”.

ABC Reprise

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We were at our favorite Mexican restaurant this past Monday night, as we are every Monday night, and another couple came in with their new baby, 4 months old.  We exchanged pleasantries as we both had small children and went on with our evening.  It was interesting watching them interact with their child and I couldn’t help but think back 2 years ago when Layton was that tiny.  Seriously, how do they grow so fast?  I saw them getting so excited about the baby smiling and laughing, they were talking to each other about how big a milestone that was.  That got me thinking back to how I felt when Layton was achieving all these various milestones.  I have to be completely honest, I was nowhere near as excited as they were for their child or my wife was for Layton.  It’s not just the smiles or the laughs, I wasn’t all that excited about a first word or crawling or rolling over.  These are all huge things in a baby’s development and parents should rightfully be excited by it all.  I got to see Layton’s first step, that was cool; however, still not the crazy excited most parents get, even though I would have been upset if I missed it.  So at this point you’re probably thinking I’m a pretty emotionless dad (I was happy for all of these milestones, just not overly excited).  Wow, this guy doesn’t get excited for any big developmental things his child does.

Here’s my mindset on it, and you can disagree as we’re all entitled to our opinions.  As parents, as long as we’re doing our best to raise our children in a healthy, positive way, they are going to do all of those things, they need to in order to survive.  I feel pretty damn proud as a dad that I was able to encourage and support him to get to all those things, but eventually he would have needed to figure it all out.  I recently took the Real Colors personality assessment and “blue” was my lowest score so it explains my lack of emotion for this kind of stuff. (that’s how I’m justifying it in my mind)

So, all this stuff and I was only mildly excited about it.  You know what put me through the roof with excitement?  He sang his ABC’s and got past “Q” and made it to the end and sang “next time won’t you sing with me”.  Wow!  That was exciting!  Yes, I’m being serious.  In my mind it was a huge accomplishment.  Yes, I know he needs to learn his ABC’s and 123’s and be able to sing about it like the Jackson 5, but it was different in my mind than all the other big/bigger stuff.  He struggled to get past Q for so long (months that’s where he would end).  Finally, Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z!  Glorious!  And he kept singing it!  Yeah, I was that excited.  I was also really disappointed and sad that I didn’t see him catch his first fish, or his second fish, or any of the fish he’s caught yet.  One fish that wasn’t small either.  I wasn’t there for any of them, I was/am definitely sad about that.  If you didn’t know before, now you know I’m a little crazy.  Learned to walk?  Eh, that’s cool.  YOU CAN SAY YOUR ABC’S???? THAT IS AMAZING!!!  You smiled?  No big whoop.  You caught a fish and another fish and another fish?  BEST DAY EVER!!!

Here’s the deal.  Get excited about stuff your children do.  It doesn’t matter what it is get excited about it, about them.  Everything they do is new to them it should all be exciting.  As parents we may see it a little different.  Walking?  We do that everyday.  Walking to a 1 year old, that’s the most difficult thing in the world, be excited for them!  They caught a little bluegill?  Be excited!  I’ve gone fishing for entire weekends and caught nothing, who cares how big or what kind of fish, it’s a fish!  It’s all exciting and if we’re not excited about it for them they won’t be excited about it either.  So they climbed up the playset steps and slid down the slide, that’s the point, isn’t it?  To them that was the hardest thing they did that day, be excited about it.  It took the ABC’s for me to realize all this stuff is a big deal.

What was the most memorable milestone you have of your child?

“A B C, It’s easy as, 1 2 3, As simple as, do re mi, A B C, 1 2 3, Baby, you and me” Jackson 5.