Tag: Pop

A New Place to Cast

Posted on by Pints with Pops

I was perusing my Facebook feed earlier today and came across a blog post from a Facebook friend. He’s your typical Facebook friend, you meet them once, connect on Facebook, and that’s the extent of your friendship. Regardless, his blog post stuck with me. He’s a journalist by trade so maybe his way with words intrigued me, especially because I coble together posts like a writer would a balance sheet (I am an accountant, so numbers are more my thing). The title was Life Lessons from a Great Blue Heron. It drew me in; I’m an outdoorsman, this title spoke to me. The context fit quite well with some recent experiences, particularly the second lesson he brings up “don’t let past successes keep you from trying to learn.”

His post was about a fishing trip he had recently taken. I immediately applied his lesson to a fishing trip I had recently been on as well. I was on my annual bass fishing trip with a good friend of mine and we had fished “our spot” all weekend. We covered every inch of the specific structure we like to fish over the course of 8 hours on the lake (not consecutive, we took a couple brakes throughout the day). It has always produced a significant number of bass for us and always one or two big ones for that lake. By the end of the day Saturday we had landed 8 fish, 7 large mouth (one good sized one) and 1 northern. We were happy, not ecstatic, but pleased with the day. We hit the same spot early the next morning. Three hours produced two fish and they were early. We needed a change. We talked about it for a little while, contemplated where we’d seen other boats, fish jumping, eagles diving, anything to come up with a new place. We were really stuck in our heads that the structure we’ve always fished was the best place to be. We decided to take a slow pass over some places we’d seen fish jumping. They didn’t hold the structure we were hoping for so we kept looking. We settled on a nice drop off with a solid weed line in the shallows, a lot of weeds. Not the area we would normally fish, actually we’d never seen anyone fishing this area. Within an hour my friend had landed two bass, one of them the biggest of the weekend.

After realizing I’d lived his lesson before reading it, I began thinking of other recent experiences that fall within that realm. Not surprisingly they’re Layton related, two of them this week. We’ve been dealing with some separation anxiety issues with Layton around bedtime. This is a new thing, within the last few weeks. Normally bedtime is good, we have a solid routine, but he’s been waking up in the middle of the nights screaming for momma and daddy. It’s not night terrors, we’ve talked with the doctor and explained the circumstances. Separation anxiety is quite common for his age. This past Monday night I was tired of the middle of the night wake-up call so I decided to talk with him before bedtime; we would read books, I would lay him down in bed, and then I would go to bed in my room across the hall. This did not sit well with him and we ended up making a routine bedtime last 2 hours. Mental note, sometimes the path to success should be repeated, not changed. We’ll stick with the normal bedtime routine and I won’t have anymore talks with him about sleeping through the night; at least not at this point in his life.

Fast forward two nights to Wednesday night/Thursday morning and we’re up at 2 am again. When it comes to the middle of the night wake-up call I’m not a pleasant person, my wife is the consoler and I’m the “GET BACK IN YOUR BED, LAY DOWN, and GO TO SLEEP!” person. Neither of our efforts had been fruitful over the past week and we’d resorted to letting him cry himself back to sleep. Wednesday night, for whatever reason, I changed my tactic. Aggression was not the historical answer, but it’s what I knew; however, I became the consoler early Thursday morning. He was crying in his bed, I came in and sat on the floor and gave him a hug. I talked to him for about 15 minutes, then calmly, yet directly, explained what I was going to do. He nodded in understanding. I left his room and went back to bed. It took about 20 minutes but he was back asleep without any further tears or cries for momma and daddy. I can’t tell you this is going to work again for me with future encounters, but I was happy with the outcome and very glad I changed my approach.

Whether you’re fishing, stuck wondering what to do next in life, or trying to get your child to sleep, consider casting someplace new; you won’t know what the outcome will be if you stick to the same old structure.

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Transient Synovitis…

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Big words, that was my first thought.  Then I thought about what transient meant.  My limited knowledge of the word makes me think of a person down on their luck, Aladdin popped into my mind.  Transient also means temporary, short-term, brief, etc.  So you’re probably wondering why I’ve transitioned from fatherhood stories to dictionary.

This past Friday, July 27th, Layton woke up as usual around 4 am screaming for momma and daddy (usual for the past two weeks anyway, he’s normally an awesome sleeper).  He climbed out of bed and walked to the door and opened it.  I was at his room by this point.  He was consoled, we read a few books, he screamed every time we put him back into his bed, and he was finally back asleep 45 minutes later.

I woke him up for daycare around 7:30 and he was angelically pleasant, clearly he forgot about the 4 am wake up call.  I got him ready and asked him to stand up to pull his shorts up and his left leg immediately collapsed.  My initial reaction was to try again, so we did and he collapsed again.  He never cried, just said it hurt.  So I went through the process of feeling his leg asking him to tell me where it hurt, from the hip down to his toes, nothing.

(Sidebar: Externally, calm dad, let’s work through all the steps to rule things out.  Internally I was freaking out.  My child can’t stand up, his leg is collapsing under him, what if he never walks again, AHHHH, THE WORLD IS ENDING!!!!)

Everything was fine.  So I wiggled his toes, moved his foot, bent his knee, nothing.  So I carried him to the kitchen and got some food for him.  Asked him to stand, he did for a short period holding onto something then his left leg gave out again.  Ok, something is clearly wrong here.  I called my wife, who was at work by this point, about a dozen times.  She gets us in at the doctor at 10 that morning, excellent.  He’s happily moving around his train table holding on using it as a stabilizer.  The kid is in great spirits given he can’t really walk.  He goes to what I’ll call his “pooping corner” and squats down without issue, sitting there not holding onto anything, then stands back up using the train table for assistance.  I’m baffled.  He was able to squat no problem, bent his knee, ankle, hip, filled his diaper, but can’t walk or stand up without assistance.  He’s sitting cross legged no issues.  I’m at a loss.  From everything I understand he should have been fine.  I started thinking about what he did the night before, did he get injured during his 4 am tantrum?  My mom watched him the evening before, did something happen there?  Nothing came to mind.

By the time we got to the doctor he’s able to limp a good 10 feet before going down, must be loosening up as the day goes on.  So the doctor does the full range of motion testing, nothing surprising there.  No wincing, crying, ouches, he’s fine.  But not really.  He still can’t walk.  Ask him to push his foot onto your hand, no big deal.  Then doc throws out the big words, “it’s likely Transient Synovitis”.  Huh?  It’s fairly common in children 3-8 years of age, particularly boys.  It’s the temporary inflammation of the hip joint or in some cases the knee.  The cause is unknown but usually follows a viral infection.  Layton hasn’t been sick (at least not that we’ve known of) for the entire summer.  So I’m still baffled.  Doc said he’s seen it last up to 6 weeks, but it usually clears up in 1-3 weeks.  Now, it’s 2 days later and we’re in pretty good shape.  Layton isn’t running yet but is walking close to without a limp.  Hopefully this progress continues and we have our independent, spirited little boy back in no time.

My initial feeling about this situation was to say suck it up and deal with it, the dad mentality you could say.  Several weeks ago we had a little incident in his inflatable pool where the dog bumped into Layton while Layton was climbing in and he rolled over his wrist.  He cried for a while, wouldn’t let anyone touch or move it; we thought it was broken.  So we got him out of his swimsuit, dried off, and into normal clothes and hopped in the truck.  The emergency room was the destination, but we ended up at my mom’s house.  On the way he started asking for the numerous rubber ducks that occupy a few cup holders in my truck.  As he’s accumulating them he transfers them to the “injured” hand/wrist.  The next thing you know he has full range of motion in his wrist like nothing was ever wrong.  We got to grandma’s and he goes right to the toy box and that was the end of the “injured” wrist.  So I was a bit jaded when the knee “injury” came up.  I’m glad I didn’t just push the issue and send him to daycare.  My gut said “call your wife and talk it through”.  In this situation, I’m glad I trusted my alimentary canal.

What’s in a name?

Posted on by Pints with Pops

Pints with Pops.

It can mean several things.  I initially chose the name because it seemed attractive to the fatherly audience and would have some appeal to get pops to show up once a month to maybe talk about fatherhood stuff.  Backtrack… I chose the name, my wife came up with the name.  She was actually instrumental in Pints with Pops becoming a thing.  She was the first person I talked in detail with this about and was 100% supportive even though it meant another night I would be away for a few hours.  Now that credit has been properly given, back to the name.

Pints with Pops.  Appealing to the target audience, gets the point across that we’d have a pint of something (likely a beer), and the likely attendees would be fathers.  “With”, this is the key word.  I’ve seen “Pints for Pops”.  This is not “for”, it is with.  Why with?  it implies togetherness rather than entitlement.  This is a group where we come together and share experiences; it’s intended to be supportive and encouraging, not come and receive something.  Pops, synonymous with father or dad.  That was the initial thought process that got me to “Pints with Pops”.

I did receive some push back on the name.  It does imply the consumption of alcohol.  Spouses don’t necessarily think of going out for a beer is the proper way to spend a couple hours away from your family even if it is talking about fatherhood stuff.  Another tough sell, we actually talk about fatherhood stuff.  We do, it’s legit.  Nothing preachy, just experiences.  What did your kid do this week?  Mine ate sand…

In the end I decided the name was general enough it could withstand the criticisms.  I gave coupons for free pints of ice cream at our one year anniversary gathering.  Not all pints are beer.  It’s simply a unit of measure.

That leads me to the deeper meaning of the name, which I didn’t really stumble upon until several gatherings in.  “Pints” ends up being a synonym for everything Pints with Pops is.  Think of the British phrase “Let’s grab a pint”.  Yes, it means let’s get a beer; but you’re not just getting a beer, you’re getting a beer and having a conversation.  You don’t say “let’s grab a pint” when your intention is to over-imbibe, you say it when you want to go out and socialize.  Next, the term “half-pint”.  This normally refers to a small person, typically a child.  That fits perfect as the intention is to talk about our children and experiences we have as father.  Lastly, the simple meaning of pint as a unit of measure.  I understand it usually references an amount of liquid; however, a pint of information is just as acceptable.  It’s my interpretation.

That’s really all the depth I have for you.  I explained the importance of “with” earlier.  “Pops” has a better ring to it than “Pints with Dads” or “Pints with Fathers”.  I’m still searching for the deeper meaning in “Pops”.  I am from Wisconsin so it may also refer to a sugary carbonated beverage others call “soda” or those in the south call a “coke”.

Toddler aka Jekyll & Hyde

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Now, I’m not inferring that my son is inherently good then transforms to evil and back again; but there are certainly moments that feel like it.

Today, all of it, was a prime example.  He woke up screaming for his momma.  I’m sorry son, momma is at work.  I leave his room and let him collect himself.  I come back and he calmly crawls out of bed, walks over to the rocking chair, looks up at me endearingly, and says “read book, please”.  I happily oblige.  The remainder of our morning together is rather uneventful and we arrive at daycare without incident.  Quite pleasant although it took longer than I had hoped to get him moving as I had an 8 am meeting that I ended up being late for.  Then when I was leaving daycare I see a girl offer him a stuffed animal, repeatedly, he clearly did not want the stuffed animal.  Rather than saying no and walking away he slaps it out of her hands.  Thankfully I was not in the classroom to react but on the other side of the window.  From what we were told he had a great day at daycare, go figure.

At home this evening he was in a very pleasant mood.  He went to the fridge and got leftover mac ‘n cheese out, sat at the table and happily ate/played with it, and then was finished with it.  Mom proceeded to clean up the remnants.  All that seems pretty harmless, innocent.  Then mom put a couple of pieces of mouthed macaroni in the garbage.  Whoa!  The world just ended.  Full on tantrum and attempted biting of mom’s leg.  That’s where it ended.  Mom laid down the law then.  It took some time and a timeout to explain, educate, and apologize; but, we ended that still going out to dinner.  He was a wonderful little boy the rest of the evening.  There was a lady at dinner that came and talked with us and told him he had nice hair, he replied “momma nice hair too! Daddy nice hair!”  Completely unprompted,  such a sweet boy.  It’s evenings like this that make you forget all the challenges he threw at us today.

After running around the house and doing sprints across the driveway, at his command, we ended the night with a popsicle.  I sat in the chair next to him at the table and could see the joy in his eyes, just staring off.  My heart and soul have never been happier.  Then, “daddy, bug on the window”.  Good night.

Pints with Pops – October 2017

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The source of my stories varies from month to month, but they have always been my experiences with Layton; something he does, things I see him do, feelings I have from something he does, or because I did something stupid related to fatherhood and need to share that with the rest of you.

This month’s source and story is a bit different.  Something entirely beyond anyone’s control happens and those circumstances drive emotions and it needs to be talked about, for the good of everyone.

I need to share this story, but choosing the right words has been difficult.  I’ve rewritten this several times and come up with this; I hope you can appreciate the difficulty in sharing a story like this.

One week ago our family lost a friend.  Not someone incredibly close, but a friend none-the-less.  More devastatingly, one week ago a husband lost his wife and two little girls lost their mother.  She was 29, younger than me and many of you reading this.  In the blink of an eye, life changes forever.  Cancer sucks.  It was a brief but courageous battle, from diagnosis until now not even 6 months.  A dad and father left without his partner.  Two young girls will endure the frustration of needing their mother at times and not be able to do anything about it.  You can do the math on everything else this family will be challenged with as the days turn to years. Tears are streaming as I write this.

Why did I share this with you?  You don’t know this family.  I don’t want you to cry with me or feel bad for this family.  They are incredibly strong and have an amazing support system.  But the scary truth is this could be any of us or someone we know and love.  What I ask of you is to take a step back from everything that’s pulling you away and take a few moments to think about your family.  Give them an extra hug, play in the yard a few minutes longer, give them a call, or just sit there with them a little while longer; let them know you love them.  We are blessed with a finite amount of time with them, don’t waste that.  As a father and husband it’s a sober reminder to spend and enjoy the time I have with my wife and son.

 

Pints with Pops – August 2016

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This is the story I shared in August of 2016, I laughed reading through this one and also remembered that knowing that asking for support is not only ok but occasionally necessary:

“After last month’s blow out fiasco I was wondering what story will I share next month in my invite.  I’m learning very quickly that having a child, I will never be short of stories.  This month’s experience has to do with that same little chair thing mentioned last month.  Unsurprisingly, and some of you may have guessed already, another blow out, again while mom was gone.  I set Layton in his little chair so I could go get something accomplished, what it was I’m not sure, nor does it matter.  I came back not even two minutes later and the dog is sniffing the chair by Layton’s leg.  I got the dog away and saw a color that’s not part of the chair.  So, I go through the process of getting Layton out of the chair and rush him to the tub hoping not to get any on the carpet.  I run back to put the chair up off the floor and the dog is kindly assisting with the cleanup process.  I give him a good stare and he stares back knowing he did something he probably shouldn’t have and licks his lips… Seriously.  I need to write to Fisher Price about their chair‘s ability to cause infants to poop.  Be wary if you own one, you may be in for a messy surprise.  After getting Layton cleaned up the day didn’t get much better in terms of his temperament and Grandma/Grandpa were called for reinforcements.  I always hoped I wouldn’t need to call for help, but sometimes it gets to be very overwhelming not being able to calm a child.  Thankfully for me the grandparents are only a couple minutes away.  It was a good learning experience for me that it is perfectly acceptable to ask for assistance when taking care of my child.  That got deep fast, my apologies; however it is part of fatherhood.”

July 2016 Pints with Pops-4th of July Blow Out!

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Here is the story I shared in my July of 2016 email.  It’s a short one, but I think you’ll get a smile out of it.  Diaper blow outs aren’t as frequent these days, thankfully.  He actually lets us know when he wants his diaper changed which is pretty neat.
July 14th, 2016:  What would the 4th of July have been without a blow out?  At least that’s what I was thinking last Monday as I picked Layton up out of his little chair thing in the living room and noticed a massive blow out that managed to escape the top of his diaper, through his shirt and onto the fabric chair (luckily the cover is machine washable).  I should have known to expect something when my wife said “it sounded like he was pooping” as she headed out the door to pick up a pizza for dinner.  After I picked him up and saw the aftermath of “it sounded like he was pooping” I thought to myself “she knew”.  Maybe some of you have been through this, maybe something different, or maybe not at all; but, you’re probably sitting there smiling knowing that some other guy went through it.

 

Welcome to Pints with Pops!

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In June of 2016 I decided to stop talking about creating an opportunity for dads to talk about “dad stuff” and start Pints with Pops.  Each month since then I organize a monthly “gathering” for dads to get together and talk about what’s going on in their fatherhood world.  In addition to organizing the gathering I share one of my fatherhood stories from the past month with everyone on my email list.  My story from September of this year received a tremendous amount of positive and encouraging feedback so I decided it was time to bring my stories to the masses.  Below is the first email that went out in June of 2016.  I’ll post each of my monthly stories until I’m up to the present day.  I hope I can bring you smiles and laughter, things to think about, and the knowledge that a lot of things happen in fatherhood, good and bad, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

“Pints with Pops is an opportunity for fathers to get together and talk with other dads about their experiences of fatherhood; the joys and frustrations. 

Three months ago I became a father, welcoming Layton Francis to the world.  That was the most amazing experience of my life.  What I didn’t realize was how amazing his vocal chords were and that children aren’t able to comprehend what a parent is telling them at that young of an age (I hear this changes to “children choose not to listen to what a parent is telling them” as they get older).  This led to me realizing I have very little tolerance of crying and not being able to communicate effectively with him.  Voicing my frustrations to my wife in one ear with the baby screaming in the other wasn’t helping our relationship.  I decided I needed someplace to talk about how I was feeling otherwise it was going to be difficult for me to continue being a positive influence on my son.  I’m not one of those guys who can just suck it up and deal with it, I like to talk about things.  Thankfully a friend of mine was willing to listen and Layton is grateful for that.  This got me thinking about all the other dads out there though; I couldn’t be the only guy who needs to talk about the frustrations of fatherhood, could I?  I brought the idea of Pints with Pops up with several other dads I know in different stages of fatherhood (some even grandfathers) and also some moms.  The response was overwhelmingly positive.  So, here we are with the first gathering of Pints with Pops on the calendar. 

Many of you on this email I’ve talked with about Pints with Pops and of you I ask for you to show up and/or encourage a dad to come.  Those of you I haven’t talked with about this, I ask for you to have an open mind about the idea and either come and talk with others about being a father or encourage a dad you know to come.

The design and intention of this is to be extremely casual.  There will be no name tags, presentations, or a circle of us stating our names and that we’re dads.  Being a dad myself, I wouldn’t want something that formal.  In my experiences with other dads they prefer casual, laid back settings, so that is what this will be.  The expectation; however, is that if you attend you are there to talk about your experiences as a father with other fathers, not how the Packers draft went or how the Brewers are playing.  There is no time limit on the evening or expectation on how long you hang out, whatever you’re comfortable with is what is appropriate.  No RSVP is necessary. If you can make it, great; if not, hopefully we’ll see you at a future gathering.”