Tag: Children

“We get what we get and we don’t throw a fit”

Posted on by Pints with Pops

We were out for dinner at our usual Monday night spot. When our food came Layton asked that we pray, so we did. We normally pray before dinner at home but it’s not a regular practice when we’re out. He then proceeded to say a “thank you” that he learned at school. Shortly after that he said “we get what we get and we don’t throw a fit“. I found the timing of the comment interesting considering he ordered what he normally orders and nothing was different about it. Seeing as he made the comment at dinner time I figured they were told at school they get whatever food is being served and we don’t throw a fit about it. The nice way of saying “deal with it”. When I asked Layton about it another day I didn’t get a straight answer as to when they said that at school. He said “we get what car we have and don’t get the car that someone else has”, relating to toy cars and you shouldn’t go take someone else’s because you don’t like the one you have. So this comment has stuck with me for several weeks now. I talked about it a little with a fellow father but am still dwelling on it in my mind.
Not knowing the context has perplexed me a little. I can understand the food situation. A childcare center/school has to take into consideration every child’s needs so the food selections are not vast and certainly not custom. I completely understand that. I was a little taken aback when he mentioned the car thing. Instead of saying “we get what we get and we don’t throw a fit” if the child doesn’t like the car they are given, suggest to them to ask another child if they would like to switch, encourage problem solving rather than “deal with it”. This may not work in every scenario and the child may still have to deal with what they have but making an attempt to get what you want and not succeeding builds resilience and develops their ability to control/understand emotions, compared with the feeling that this is what I’ve been given and don’t have a choice. I’m likely taking this to the extreme considering I don’t know what specific scenarios the phrase is used in at school. I’m also not an educator so this is from an outsider’s perspective and I generally will not question their teaching methods as I am not trained as an early-childhood educator.
I have used the phrase against him at home now that I know he’s aware of what it means. I’ve also tried to keep perspective on what I “force” on him. For example, he doesn’t like to pick out his clothes and if he does it’s likely what he wore the day before or something that is dirty. If he doesn’t like what I picked for him I tell him to go pick out what he wants to wear. He usually ends up wearing what I picked out because he brings back something that’s dirty, but I always give him the opportunity to wear what he wants. Same with doing things at home. I ask him what he wants to play rather than tell him what we’re going to play; however, there are times I will tell him no and to pick something else. I always try to provide an explanation if I say no. It’s not always received well but he always gets an explanation.
To summarize, I want him to make choices for himself and know that he has options. I also want to be sure he knows that even if he makes a choice he may not get what he wants. In situations where he is told what he gets he can always choose to have nothing at all. Eventually he will learn to evaluate accepting what is given and the consequence of the alternative, for now he’s a little young to comprehend that.
Now that I have successfully over-complicated a simple phrase, what are your thoughts on it?

I sent this out to my Pints with Pops email group and was quickly informed this is a children’s book. I feel very enlightened. The title is You get what you get by Julie Gassman. It is a fun read and I will definitely be reading it to my son.

Christmas Season with a 3 Year Old

Posted on by Pints with Pops
We’ve had a fun holiday season so far and are looking forward to the next week and a half getting to spend some quality time with family and friends.
As the Christmas season came into focus Layton found his book about the story of Christmas and Jesus’s birth, so we’ve spent lots of time reading that, many times it’s been read 3 or 4 times continuously. With that he also found his book about the story of Easter. So if you’re reading about Jesus’s birth you might as well read about Jesus’s death at the same time. This led to a more interesting conversation about Jesus coming back after he was buried. The conversation turned to Layton asking about Jesus coming back and that it was Jesus’s spirit. This led to Layton asking about Jesus’s body and “how he poop with no body”? The minds of toddlers are amazing.
Attention: Potential Santa spoiler. Stop reading if you are age 137 years or younger and do not wish to read Santa spoilers.
On the other end of the spectrum, Layton has been rather easy on Santa this year. He’s kept his request the same from the first ask through today. So Santa and his helpers haven’t had to pivot mid-season. It is also a reasonable ask so we are hopeful Santa can deliver. We are also of the mindset that mom and dad will step in for any “big” gifts and requests to Santa should remain modest as he needs to deliver to all the children and may be stretched too thin if he has to bring “big” gifts to everyone. Layton had three visits with Santa this year. Visits two and three were impromptu encounters. The second visit was a little sketchy and flirted with disaster. Layton got up on Santa’s lap and Santa asked Layton’s name. Layton responded “I tell you last week”. Ok, this should be interesting. My wife stepped in and informed Santa of his name. Then Santa asked what he would like for Christmas, same response, “I tell you last week”. Santa was at a loss. Again, my wife stepped in and got Layton and Santa out of what could have turned into an ugly situation. Layton asked after “why Santa not remember”? Again, props to my wife, she explained that there are millions of children that Santa talks to and he needs help remembering who each child is and what they want, that’s why he checks his list twice. He accepted that explanation, crisis averted… for this year. Consider this my apology in advance if my child ruins Santa for your children in any way now or in the future. He’s apparently too smart for his own good.

End of spoiler, continue reading.

With that, I hope you are able to take time to be with those who matter most to you. I hope you can embrace the time you have with your family and loved ones no matter how short the visit may be. I know, as you all do, this can be a stressful time of year going between family visits, parties, and preparing for your own festivities. Take time to stop and pause during it all, take a breath, and give a hug or a smile. We do all of the “hustle and bustle” so we can spend time with those that matter to us, be sure to stop the “hustle and bustle” and be present for the spending time part.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy New Year!

First Snow… Pure Joy

Posted on by Pints with Pops

Have you ever seen pure joy in a person’s face? I did this morning. It was incredible. We awoke to our first snow of the season this morning! I was stoked because I love all things winter, even when it’s still fall. I try to take advantage of everything it offers. With that I try to encourage that with my son. So when I got him up this morning I took him to the patio door to show him the snow. After he got the confused look off his face that there was snow he had the biggest smile on his face, a giddy chuckle like it snowed just for him, and that indescribable look that makes you feel the same joy he has. The joy that makes your heart skip is the joy it felt like he had, it radiated from him. There was a small glimmer of a tear in his eye. The simplest of things, the first snow.

He enjoyed it while it lasted. Ran in it, tried to make a snowball, and then played soccer in shorts and a tshirt after it melted (mid-30 degree temps). He may be taking after his father. It was a pure joy kind of day. Not something you get to experience often, I’m thankful I did.

Naps

Posted on by Pints with Pops

They’re a pretty simple thing, naps. Part way through the day the child takes a break, closes their eyes, and rests for an hour or two. Generally they wake up refreshed, ready for the rest of what the day has in store. For the parents, naps are a needed relief from the constant attention the child rightfully craves.

This weekend we had two days with no naps. Yikes. He was surprisingly great both days without a nap. I think we, the parents, missed the nap more than he did. One positive, he went to bed earlier. We missed our welcome relief, but to be honest at least the one of the two days I was home, the relief didn’t seem like it was needed. He was pleasant without a nap, as pleasant as a toddler can be.

The lack of naps actually made me a bit sad. Not because of missing the relief period, but because he’s becoming stronger and more indepedent. Those are great things, it just means he’s growing up, and I’m going to miss this, as challenging as some days are. A week or so ago I got to enjoy a nap with him on my chest. That’s a rare thing these days. I know the number of naps I get with him are numbered so I’m going to enjoy them while I can. Such a peaceful time of simple bonding. I will truly miss it.

Really, it was a great weekend with him, but there’s a little sad mixed in knowing he’s growing up.

The Blueberry Discussion

Posted on by Pints with Pops

Have you ever tried to have a discussion with a toddler? It goes absolutely nowhere but in circles. These discussions aren’t generally deep, not like a disciplinary discussion. My most favorite recent one was this past week. We were outside looking at our blueberry plants. We have one in a pot that is doing great and two in the ground that I clearly should have put fencing around as the rabbits have chewed them down to the ground. Layton asked where the blueberries were on the two in the ground and I told him the rabbits ate them. He proceeded to tell me he wanted to eat the blueberries. I told him we wouldn’t have blueberries on those this year because the rabbits ate them. He queried me on why. I explained that the rabbits were hungry. I then said we should get rid of the rabbits so the blueberries could grow and he could eat them. I was expecting him to agree with me. I got the opposite. Not only did he want the rabbits to stay, he was angry that I would want them gone. I said “Layton, if the rabbits stay, you won’t get any blueberries”. He then yelled back at me from across the yard, he ran away because he was angry, “NO, I SHARE WITH THE RABBITS!” Trying not to laugh I told him if he shared there wouldn’t be any blueberries because the rabbits would eat them all and the bushes. This back and forth went on for several minutes until I couldn’t contain my laughter and just gave up on the conversation. I’ll get some fencing up after we get new bushes planted. I also need to get the bird netting up before the bush in the planter starts producing otherwise we’ll be sharing with the birds as well. What I know about me and quickly realized about him is that we’re right until proven wrong. My wife and friends would all support that statement. I haven’t been able to prove him wrong yet and he’s still too young to get it. Either way it made for a very entertaining discussion with him. That’s just one, we’ve had many like that and they usually end in me laughing. I am happy though that he’s aware of what he’s talking about and how he feels about it. I definitely encourage the discussions because I want him to share his opinion with me even if he doesn’t realize the extent of what he’s talking about.

Fire Truck Shirts

Posted on by Pints with Pops

Today was picture day at school. The big question in our household was “what will Layton wear for pictures?” Fire truck shirts are currently the only acceptable wardrobe piece for our little man. In an effort to have him look “nice” for his pictures we asked him to pick out a button up shirt from his closet in advance that he would be willing to wear. He did so without a challenge and we hung it on his dresser for today. My wife is typically gone in the morning when Layton gets up, so getting ready and dropping him off are my responsibility. It’s been that way from the beginning so we have a pretty solid routine down. It did not follow the typical routine this morning.

He got up, found me, and asked to read a book. So far so good. After our book I tell him it’s time to get ready for school. I reminded him it was picture day and he should get the shirt he picked out off his dresser. He responds “I no like that shirt.” I reminded him he picked it out and wanted to wear it. “I no like that shirt.” Ok, we’d like you to look “nice” for your pictures at school today, please pick a shirt out from your closet. “Me no like buttons.” Thus begins a lot of me yelling, him saying no, me trying to explain why he should wear a “nice” shirt for pictures, him saying no, me saying we want you to look nice in your pictures, he reluctantly put on a polo still saying no, me yelling, him crying, me yelling, him crying, then I gave myself a timeout. I then thought WTF am I doing? I’m arguing with a three year-old about what shirt to wear for school pictures. Why does that matter at all? Every reason I gave him, which were very few, to wear a “nice” shirt for pictures were completely idiotic and self-serving. The only people who would care what shirt he wore for his pictures were me and my wife. He hasn’t worn a shirt with buttons on since Christmas and before that I couldn’t tell you. We both calmed down and I asked him what shirt he wanted to wear. He said “this one” in a very somber tone, referring to the polo he had on. An incredibly heartbreaking compromise on his part, clearly in an effort to make me happy. We sat in his room for a while. I apologized for yelling, gave him a hug, and told him I loved him. I asked him what shirt do you really want to wear? He went to his drawer and pulled out a fire truck shirt. I said ok, let’s put it on. He was clearly very happy. I was as well. Whether he smiles in his pictures or not is one question but at least I’ll know he is himself in those pictures, not who I wanted him to look like. This may seem small but I am guessing it was huge for him.

Another thought that came to mind from this morning’s episode is why he doesn’t like buttoned shirts. I don’t know if this is the reason but it may make sense on some level. I work in an office environment and wear polo’s and button up shirts everyday. If I am wearing one and it’s not the normal “work time” Layton will ask “why you wearing work clothes?” If he associates those specific clothes with work, which would then mean me leaving him, I could see the deeper connection of him not liking buttoned shirts. Maybe I’m thinking too deep on it and he simply likes fire truck shirts that much. Either way this morning brought some needed perspective.

8 Pancakes

Posted on by Pints with Pops

I was not home to see this first hand but was able to partake in the cleaning effort after the fact. My wife picked Layton up from school on a Friday and he went to his room and she was doing some things in another room. This is pretty common for him to go to his room after school. The majority of the time he lays on the floor with a book and “reads” to himself. My wife had his monitor on and could only see the top of his head and heard him counting. He got to eight which is pretty exciting. She went in and asked what he was doing. He responded “making pancakes” with a big smile. “Making pancakes” equated to him counting the pancakes he was making… on his carpet… with petroleum jelly. A full, brand new jar, of petroleum jelly, all emptied onto his carpet in pancake form. Not something you can really be mad about because he’s just exploring, counting, and playing with something we didn’t even know was in his room. It was tucked way in the back of his top dresser drawer from when he was an infant and we never needed to use it; of course he would find it, they find everything that could make a mess. I got a phone call on my way home from work informing me what happened. This led to a lot of Googling how to get petroleum jelly out of carpet. A trip to the store to rent a rug doctor and clean carpets throughout the house before Christmas, because if you’re going to clean one room you might as well do the entire house. There are still a few small spots we couldn’t quite get out. Now it’s an ongoing battle with Dawn dish soap. That was not how we had planned to spend our Friday night.

Rough Weekend

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I’ve written a couple times to my Pints with Pops email group about the “terrible two’s”.  My mindset on the idea of the terrible two’s is they are as much on the parent to make positive as it is on the toddler making them terrible.  Two year olds are trying to become independent which makes parents uncomfortable.  We then try to stifle their independence because we have different objectives for our day.  We prefer to make the pancakes without their help because they will be done more efficiently and without a mess.  We pour the milk so it doesn’t get spilt.  We have them ride in the cart at the grocery store instead of pushing their own miniature cart so they don’t run into people/things and don’t try to purchase unnecessary items.  My wife and I are very supportive of letting our two year old have his independence.  This does not mean we let him do whatever he wants.  There have to be boundaries.

This past weekend he really pushed us to the limits as parents.  There was a lot of yelling from both sides and a few timeouts, for both sides.  As I reflect on this weekend and what caused all the consternation it wasn’t for a lack of our letting him be independent.  All of the situations we got upset with were him pushing boundaries that need to be respected.  Simple things like changing a dirty diaper morphed into needing restraining straps (we don’t have those, but wow they would have been helpful).  Sitting in his car seat was no longer something he felt was necessary.  Instead of allowing himself to be buckled in he needed to climb all over the backseat and jump on the groceries.  Jumping in the bathtub, not ok.  These were just the big things.  There was a lot of simply not listening when asked to do something.  On top of that he would hit and spit when upset in addition to crying so we had that to talk through with him as well.  All of these things are designed to keep him healthy and safe.  Those are boundaries I do not allow to be pushed.

I would say the past week he’s been sporadic with his listening and the weekend was a culmination of a lot of so-so days all piled up for a fantastic display of emotions.

I like Monday’s.  I look forward to them.  If you had a bad week Monday is the new beginning, the week is still full of potential.  I am hopeful our rough week/weekend is past us and we can look forward to getting back into the weekly routine and making more fun memories with him.  We’re all allowed bad days and sometimes you need a few all in a row.  He is a fantastic kid so it’s not surprising the rough patch all piled up into a few days.  As a parent, we’re allowed bad days as well; just remember how you handle it impacts your child.  I needed to apologize to Layton for yelling at him just as he needed to apologize to mom for hitting her and not listening when we asked him to stop jumping in the bathtub.  It was definitely not a perfect parenting weekend, it rarely is, but hopefully we got some of the negative emotions out and can have a great week.

Here’s to a new week!

3rd Grade, so what?

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When my wife and I found out we were going to be parents the first thing we bought was a B.O.B. running stroller.  We’re both runners and wanted the best equipment to run with our child in.  Then we purchased all the large furniture items for the new baby’s room and any other very specific items we wanted.  Everything else went on the baby registry for the baby shower.  Do you know what we didn’t purchase any of before the baby was born?  Books.  Thankfully, my wife is awesome and understands the importance of reading early in a child’s life and asked that everyone attending the baby shower bring their favorite children’s book for the new baby.  Now I knew why we didn’t buy any books.  The baby wasn’t born yet, so why did we need all those books so soon?  It turns out reading to your child in the womb is beneficial to their development.  I guess I’m a bit uneducated when it comes to a child’s brain development.  Again, I’m glad my wife has this knowledge.  So, for a month (maybe longer) before the baby was born I read a book or two to him every night.  He actually heard me reading!  My wife shared that he would kick and move in various ways when I read books to him.  How amazing is that?!  After Layton was born we have continued to place an emphasis on reading.  We read many times a day with him and have a great bedtime routine with some specific books for him.

This is not funny or encouraged, just interesting, but when he’s been naughty and gets a timeout, he’ll occasionally pull/throw all his books off the shelves; however, after they’re all off and he’s calmed down for a few seconds he’ll pick up a book and start paging through it.  Not the intention of a timeout, but I’ll take it.  (we could discuss the appropriate location for a timeout until we’re blue in the face, so I won’t go there)

Now you’re probably thinking “good for you, you read to your child, who cares”.

Who cares?  Everyone in our community should care.  Everyone who is going to rely on his generation to be the next leaders should care.  I was at the United Way of the Fox Cities’ community campaign kickoff today.  They shared that over half of the third graders in our community aren’t reading at grade level.  That’s a problem.  A couple years back when I asked why my wife was asking for books at the baby shower, she explained the importance of reading to our child as early as possible and continuing to do so throughout his life.  One prominent educational transition she pointed out was that third grade is when students transition from learning to read to reading to learn.  Simply put, if my child isn’t reading at the third grade level in third grade he is behind the 8-ball for the remainder of his educational years with very little opportunity to catch up.  How can he learn whatever the curriculum is if he is still learning how to read it?

If you have young children I encourage you to read to them as often as you can.  If you have older children encourage them to read to others.  Consider giving a book to the neighbor kid that might not have access to books.  If you have grandchildren, nieces, nephews, whoever, encourage them to read or their parents to read to them.  Support early childhood literacy in your communities, it’s one of the greatest things we can do for our children and our future.  This might sound a little preachy and I’m not educated in the science behind why reading is important for a child’s development so I’m not officially qualified to talk about it; but, I can tell you that I already see that my son is benefiting from all the reading we have done with him in his two and a half years of life.

One other great benefit that I get from reading with him is the time I get to spend with him.  It’s just another opportunity for me to be with him.  And, I get to read a lot of fun books that it might be strange to see an adult reading without a child present in their life.  I would probably do a double take if I saw a middle-aged guy reading the Belly Button Book alone in a coffee shop.

The Bedtime Struggle

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Every night at bedtime we go through a struggle. It’s pretty normal for a two and a half year old to not want to go to bed. There’s so much to do and explore. The struggle isn’t with Layton though. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a real struggle every night.

The struggle I have to deal with is internal. I realize that one day I’m not going to get to read him books at bedtime, rock him to sleep, “fly” him around the yard, or do any of the other incredibly fun stuff I get to do with him each evening. I want to keep doing all that stuff as much as he does, probably more, because I know there will come a time when he won’t want to. But, bedtime needs to happen, for both of us. So I do the routine and put him to bed and think while reading to him “I hope this isn’t the last time”. Fortunately I think we have a ways to go yet, but I truly do my best to cherish that time. As Brad Paisley sang, “there’s a last time for everything”.