Category: Parents, Fatherhood, Family, Children

“We get what we get and we don’t throw a fit”

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We were out for dinner at our usual Monday night spot. When our food came Layton asked that we pray, so we did. We normally pray before dinner at home but it’s not a regular practice when we’re out. He then proceeded to say a “thank you” that he learned at school. Shortly after that he said “we get what we get and we don’t throw a fit“. I found the timing of the comment interesting considering he ordered what he normally orders and nothing was different about it. Seeing as he made the comment at dinner time I figured they were told at school they get whatever food is being served and we don’t throw a fit about it. The nice way of saying “deal with it”. When I asked Layton about it another day I didn’t get a straight answer as to when they said that at school. He said “we get what car we have and don’t get the car that someone else has”, relating to toy cars and you shouldn’t go take someone else’s because you don’t like the one you have. So this comment has stuck with me for several weeks now. I talked about it a little with a fellow father but am still dwelling on it in my mind.
Not knowing the context has perplexed me a little. I can understand the food situation. A childcare center/school has to take into consideration every child’s needs so the food selections are not vast and certainly not custom. I completely understand that. I was a little taken aback when he mentioned the car thing. Instead of saying “we get what we get and we don’t throw a fit” if the child doesn’t like the car they are given, suggest to them to ask another child if they would like to switch, encourage problem solving rather than “deal with it”. This may not work in every scenario and the child may still have to deal with what they have but making an attempt to get what you want and not succeeding builds resilience and develops their ability to control/understand emotions, compared with the feeling that this is what I’ve been given and don’t have a choice. I’m likely taking this to the extreme considering I don’t know what specific scenarios the phrase is used in at school. I’m also not an educator so this is from an outsider’s perspective and I generally will not question their teaching methods as I am not trained as an early-childhood educator.
I have used the phrase against him at home now that I know he’s aware of what it means. I’ve also tried to keep perspective on what I “force” on him. For example, he doesn’t like to pick out his clothes and if he does it’s likely what he wore the day before or something that is dirty. If he doesn’t like what I picked for him I tell him to go pick out what he wants to wear. He usually ends up wearing what I picked out because he brings back something that’s dirty, but I always give him the opportunity to wear what he wants. Same with doing things at home. I ask him what he wants to play rather than tell him what we’re going to play; however, there are times I will tell him no and to pick something else. I always try to provide an explanation if I say no. It’s not always received well but he always gets an explanation.
To summarize, I want him to make choices for himself and know that he has options. I also want to be sure he knows that even if he makes a choice he may not get what he wants. In situations where he is told what he gets he can always choose to have nothing at all. Eventually he will learn to evaluate accepting what is given and the consequence of the alternative, for now he’s a little young to comprehend that.
Now that I have successfully over-complicated a simple phrase, what are your thoughts on it?

I sent this out to my Pints with Pops email group and was quickly informed this is a children’s book. I feel very enlightened. The title is You get what you get by Julie Gassman. It is a fun read and I will definitely be reading it to my son.

Christmas with a toddler… Part 2

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At the age of 3 and a half, he gets what Christmas is. It was a blast. He loved the Christmas story, was fantastic at church, and you couldn’t stop him from helping everyone open their gifts. Every “white elephant” exchange, he was in the middle of. Every present, he had to have a hand in. As annoying as some of it was, it was so much fun.

Then there were the secrets. Some children are great at keeping sectets. Ours, not so much. I took him with me to get my wife’s present, a new necklace. I always go to Kay Jewelers. They sell stuffed animals to support St. Jude Children’s Hospital, so he got a new “stuffy”. This was my ploy. Get him a new stuffy and he won’t talk about mom’s gift. When we got home I told him to hide his new stuffy so mom wouldn’t see, knowing full well he wouldn’t keep that secret. Mom got home, “you see my new stuffy?” I tried to deflect with a “new” stuffy he brought out his bedroom. He proceeded with “no, behind the tree, my new stuffy!” Dad fail. But, no mention of the necklace. Winning!

Christmas Eve we pick him up from my parent’s house to go to my wife’s family’s Christmas. He sees mom and the first question he asks “why you no wear your new necklace?” Me, face in palm, ugh. Can’t take that child anywhere.

We get to my in law’s house, “grandma, you like your new wine opener?” Face in palm again. Buddy, come on, we’re not even in the house yet.

Then there were everyone else’s presents. “Me help you open?” And again, “me help you open?” Everyone was nice and let him help. But, how annoying? And this is my kid! I just want to open my presents by myself. Is it so hard to listen.

Yes. Yes it is too hard to listen. Every… single… present.

What a fun Christmas. I hope you were able to enjoy yours as we were ours.

Merry Cristmas and Happy New Year!

The Blueberry Discussion

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Have you ever tried to have a discussion with a toddler? It goes absolutely nowhere but in circles. These discussions aren’t generally deep, not like a disciplinary discussion. My most favorite recent one was this past week. We were outside looking at our blueberry plants. We have one in a pot that is doing great and two in the ground that I clearly should have put fencing around as the rabbits have chewed them down to the ground. Layton asked where the blueberries were on the two in the ground and I told him the rabbits ate them. He proceeded to tell me he wanted to eat the blueberries. I told him we wouldn’t have blueberries on those this year because the rabbits ate them. He queried me on why. I explained that the rabbits were hungry. I then said we should get rid of the rabbits so the blueberries could grow and he could eat them. I was expecting him to agree with me. I got the opposite. Not only did he want the rabbits to stay, he was angry that I would want them gone. I said “Layton, if the rabbits stay, you won’t get any blueberries”. He then yelled back at me from across the yard, he ran away because he was angry, “NO, I SHARE WITH THE RABBITS!” Trying not to laugh I told him if he shared there wouldn’t be any blueberries because the rabbits would eat them all and the bushes. This back and forth went on for several minutes until I couldn’t contain my laughter and just gave up on the conversation. I’ll get some fencing up after we get new bushes planted. I also need to get the bird netting up before the bush in the planter starts producing otherwise we’ll be sharing with the birds as well. What I know about me and quickly realized about him is that we’re right until proven wrong. My wife and friends would all support that statement. I haven’t been able to prove him wrong yet and he’s still too young to get it. Either way it made for a very entertaining discussion with him. That’s just one, we’ve had many like that and they usually end in me laughing. I am happy though that he’s aware of what he’s talking about and how he feels about it. I definitely encourage the discussions because I want him to share his opinion with me even if he doesn’t realize the extent of what he’s talking about.

8 Pancakes

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I was not home to see this first hand but was able to partake in the cleaning effort after the fact. My wife picked Layton up from school on a Friday and he went to his room and she was doing some things in another room. This is pretty common for him to go to his room after school. The majority of the time he lays on the floor with a book and “reads” to himself. My wife had his monitor on and could only see the top of his head and heard him counting. He got to eight which is pretty exciting. She went in and asked what he was doing. He responded “making pancakes” with a big smile. “Making pancakes” equated to him counting the pancakes he was making… on his carpet… with petroleum jelly. A full, brand new jar, of petroleum jelly, all emptied onto his carpet in pancake form. Not something you can really be mad about because he’s just exploring, counting, and playing with something we didn’t even know was in his room. It was tucked way in the back of his top dresser drawer from when he was an infant and we never needed to use it; of course he would find it, they find everything that could make a mess. I got a phone call on my way home from work informing me what happened. This led to a lot of Googling how to get petroleum jelly out of carpet. A trip to the store to rent a rug doctor and clean carpets throughout the house before Christmas, because if you’re going to clean one room you might as well do the entire house. There are still a few small spots we couldn’t quite get out. Now it’s an ongoing battle with Dawn dish soap. That was not how we had planned to spend our Friday night.

Merry Christmas!

Posted on by Pints with Pops
It’s been a while since my last post. I hope you have been able to and continue to enjoy the holiday season with your families.
There has been a lot happening in our household over the last two months. The most notable being the basement project after our sump pump incident. That project is still ongoing but making good progress.
Layton is an absolute joy right now. There is a little sarcasm there but he is really a lot of fun at this age. Everything is “firefighter” right now. His grandpa and uncle are both firefighters so he really loves the idea of being a firefighter. That means everything he wears has to be red or have a fire truck on it. Never mind that grandpa’s fire trucks don’t have a spec of red on them. The most recent example of the “red” syndrome was red socks. He wore the same pair of red socks, without taking them off, for two days straight. I realize two days is not a long time but to not take them off even for bedtime is a little ridiculous. Try and take them off though? Not a chance. It’s not worth trying to convince him the world is not ending over a pair of socks. The next night was bath night so we were able to convince him to take them off. Try and convince him to try using the big boy potty using the “firefighters use the big potty” approach and he says “not me”. Ok, we’re not there yet. The firefighter thing has led to some fun moments as well. We were celebrating Christmas with my wife’s family this past weekend and he opened one of his presents and it was a new fire chief shirtwith fire trucks on and he held it up and yelled so excitedly “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY” with biggest smile on his face. Close enough on the birthday idea. It was priceless.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Rough Weekend

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I’ve written a couple times to my Pints with Pops email group about the “terrible two’s”.  My mindset on the idea of the terrible two’s is they are as much on the parent to make positive as it is on the toddler making them terrible.  Two year olds are trying to become independent which makes parents uncomfortable.  We then try to stifle their independence because we have different objectives for our day.  We prefer to make the pancakes without their help because they will be done more efficiently and without a mess.  We pour the milk so it doesn’t get spilt.  We have them ride in the cart at the grocery store instead of pushing their own miniature cart so they don’t run into people/things and don’t try to purchase unnecessary items.  My wife and I are very supportive of letting our two year old have his independence.  This does not mean we let him do whatever he wants.  There have to be boundaries.

This past weekend he really pushed us to the limits as parents.  There was a lot of yelling from both sides and a few timeouts, for both sides.  As I reflect on this weekend and what caused all the consternation it wasn’t for a lack of our letting him be independent.  All of the situations we got upset with were him pushing boundaries that need to be respected.  Simple things like changing a dirty diaper morphed into needing restraining straps (we don’t have those, but wow they would have been helpful).  Sitting in his car seat was no longer something he felt was necessary.  Instead of allowing himself to be buckled in he needed to climb all over the backseat and jump on the groceries.  Jumping in the bathtub, not ok.  These were just the big things.  There was a lot of simply not listening when asked to do something.  On top of that he would hit and spit when upset in addition to crying so we had that to talk through with him as well.  All of these things are designed to keep him healthy and safe.  Those are boundaries I do not allow to be pushed.

I would say the past week he’s been sporadic with his listening and the weekend was a culmination of a lot of so-so days all piled up for a fantastic display of emotions.

I like Monday’s.  I look forward to them.  If you had a bad week Monday is the new beginning, the week is still full of potential.  I am hopeful our rough week/weekend is past us and we can look forward to getting back into the weekly routine and making more fun memories with him.  We’re all allowed bad days and sometimes you need a few all in a row.  He is a fantastic kid so it’s not surprising the rough patch all piled up into a few days.  As a parent, we’re allowed bad days as well; just remember how you handle it impacts your child.  I needed to apologize to Layton for yelling at him just as he needed to apologize to mom for hitting her and not listening when we asked him to stop jumping in the bathtub.  It was definitely not a perfect parenting weekend, it rarely is, but hopefully we got some of the negative emotions out and can have a great week.

Here’s to a new week!

3rd Grade, so what?

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When my wife and I found out we were going to be parents the first thing we bought was a B.O.B. running stroller.  We’re both runners and wanted the best equipment to run with our child in.  Then we purchased all the large furniture items for the new baby’s room and any other very specific items we wanted.  Everything else went on the baby registry for the baby shower.  Do you know what we didn’t purchase any of before the baby was born?  Books.  Thankfully, my wife is awesome and understands the importance of reading early in a child’s life and asked that everyone attending the baby shower bring their favorite children’s book for the new baby.  Now I knew why we didn’t buy any books.  The baby wasn’t born yet, so why did we need all those books so soon?  It turns out reading to your child in the womb is beneficial to their development.  I guess I’m a bit uneducated when it comes to a child’s brain development.  Again, I’m glad my wife has this knowledge.  So, for a month (maybe longer) before the baby was born I read a book or two to him every night.  He actually heard me reading!  My wife shared that he would kick and move in various ways when I read books to him.  How amazing is that?!  After Layton was born we have continued to place an emphasis on reading.  We read many times a day with him and have a great bedtime routine with some specific books for him.

This is not funny or encouraged, just interesting, but when he’s been naughty and gets a timeout, he’ll occasionally pull/throw all his books off the shelves; however, after they’re all off and he’s calmed down for a few seconds he’ll pick up a book and start paging through it.  Not the intention of a timeout, but I’ll take it.  (we could discuss the appropriate location for a timeout until we’re blue in the face, so I won’t go there)

Now you’re probably thinking “good for you, you read to your child, who cares”.

Who cares?  Everyone in our community should care.  Everyone who is going to rely on his generation to be the next leaders should care.  I was at the United Way of the Fox Cities’ community campaign kickoff today.  They shared that over half of the third graders in our community aren’t reading at grade level.  That’s a problem.  A couple years back when I asked why my wife was asking for books at the baby shower, she explained the importance of reading to our child as early as possible and continuing to do so throughout his life.  One prominent educational transition she pointed out was that third grade is when students transition from learning to read to reading to learn.  Simply put, if my child isn’t reading at the third grade level in third grade he is behind the 8-ball for the remainder of his educational years with very little opportunity to catch up.  How can he learn whatever the curriculum is if he is still learning how to read it?

If you have young children I encourage you to read to them as often as you can.  If you have older children encourage them to read to others.  Consider giving a book to the neighbor kid that might not have access to books.  If you have grandchildren, nieces, nephews, whoever, encourage them to read or their parents to read to them.  Support early childhood literacy in your communities, it’s one of the greatest things we can do for our children and our future.  This might sound a little preachy and I’m not educated in the science behind why reading is important for a child’s development so I’m not officially qualified to talk about it; but, I can tell you that I already see that my son is benefiting from all the reading we have done with him in his two and a half years of life.

One other great benefit that I get from reading with him is the time I get to spend with him.  It’s just another opportunity for me to be with him.  And, I get to read a lot of fun books that it might be strange to see an adult reading without a child present in their life.  I would probably do a double take if I saw a middle-aged guy reading the Belly Button Book alone in a coffee shop.

The Bedtime Struggle

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Every night at bedtime we go through a struggle. It’s pretty normal for a two and a half year old to not want to go to bed. There’s so much to do and explore. The struggle isn’t with Layton though. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a real struggle every night.

The struggle I have to deal with is internal. I realize that one day I’m not going to get to read him books at bedtime, rock him to sleep, “fly” him around the yard, or do any of the other incredibly fun stuff I get to do with him each evening. I want to keep doing all that stuff as much as he does, probably more, because I know there will come a time when he won’t want to. But, bedtime needs to happen, for both of us. So I do the routine and put him to bed and think while reading to him “I hope this isn’t the last time”. Fortunately I think we have a ways to go yet, but I truly do my best to cherish that time. As Brad Paisley sang, “there’s a last time for everything”.

ABC Reprise

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We were at our favorite Mexican restaurant this past Monday night, as we are every Monday night, and another couple came in with their new baby, 4 months old.  We exchanged pleasantries as we both had small children and went on with our evening.  It was interesting watching them interact with their child and I couldn’t help but think back 2 years ago when Layton was that tiny.  Seriously, how do they grow so fast?  I saw them getting so excited about the baby smiling and laughing, they were talking to each other about how big a milestone that was.  That got me thinking back to how I felt when Layton was achieving all these various milestones.  I have to be completely honest, I was nowhere near as excited as they were for their child or my wife was for Layton.  It’s not just the smiles or the laughs, I wasn’t all that excited about a first word or crawling or rolling over.  These are all huge things in a baby’s development and parents should rightfully be excited by it all.  I got to see Layton’s first step, that was cool; however, still not the crazy excited most parents get, even though I would have been upset if I missed it.  So at this point you’re probably thinking I’m a pretty emotionless dad (I was happy for all of these milestones, just not overly excited).  Wow, this guy doesn’t get excited for any big developmental things his child does.

Here’s my mindset on it, and you can disagree as we’re all entitled to our opinions.  As parents, as long as we’re doing our best to raise our children in a healthy, positive way, they are going to do all of those things, they need to in order to survive.  I feel pretty damn proud as a dad that I was able to encourage and support him to get to all those things, but eventually he would have needed to figure it all out.  I recently took the Real Colors personality assessment and “blue” was my lowest score so it explains my lack of emotion for this kind of stuff. (that’s how I’m justifying it in my mind)

So, all this stuff and I was only mildly excited about it.  You know what put me through the roof with excitement?  He sang his ABC’s and got past “Q” and made it to the end and sang “next time won’t you sing with me”.  Wow!  That was exciting!  Yes, I’m being serious.  In my mind it was a huge accomplishment.  Yes, I know he needs to learn his ABC’s and 123’s and be able to sing about it like the Jackson 5, but it was different in my mind than all the other big/bigger stuff.  He struggled to get past Q for so long (months that’s where he would end).  Finally, Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z!  Glorious!  And he kept singing it!  Yeah, I was that excited.  I was also really disappointed and sad that I didn’t see him catch his first fish, or his second fish, or any of the fish he’s caught yet.  One fish that wasn’t small either.  I wasn’t there for any of them, I was/am definitely sad about that.  If you didn’t know before, now you know I’m a little crazy.  Learned to walk?  Eh, that’s cool.  YOU CAN SAY YOUR ABC’S???? THAT IS AMAZING!!!  You smiled?  No big whoop.  You caught a fish and another fish and another fish?  BEST DAY EVER!!!

Here’s the deal.  Get excited about stuff your children do.  It doesn’t matter what it is get excited about it, about them.  Everything they do is new to them it should all be exciting.  As parents we may see it a little different.  Walking?  We do that everyday.  Walking to a 1 year old, that’s the most difficult thing in the world, be excited for them!  They caught a little bluegill?  Be excited!  I’ve gone fishing for entire weekends and caught nothing, who cares how big or what kind of fish, it’s a fish!  It’s all exciting and if we’re not excited about it for them they won’t be excited about it either.  So they climbed up the playset steps and slid down the slide, that’s the point, isn’t it?  To them that was the hardest thing they did that day, be excited about it.  It took the ABC’s for me to realize all this stuff is a big deal.

What was the most memorable milestone you have of your child?

“A B C, It’s easy as, 1 2 3, As simple as, do re mi, A B C, 1 2 3, Baby, you and me” Jackson 5.

New Favorite Song

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We were heading to dinner tonight and my new favorite song come on.  It’s a cover of a popular tune by an up-and-coming artist.  I would guess (hope) most if not all of you have heard it before and have sang it yourself.  If not I would think you’d find reading this post a little challenging.

The song, A-B-C…, by Layton Kaufman.  Not the A-B-C by Jackson 5, although I do enjoy that song.  Your traditional A-B-C’s.  Simple, right?  It absolutely made my night.  He’s been practicing for weeks just because he enjoys singing it and struggled to get past “P”.  Tonight was the breakthrough.  I heard him in the back seat of the truck so I turned the radio down and he was singing his A-B-C’s.  So I listened for him to get to “P” and start back at “A” as he’s always done.  Nope!  He flew right through “P” to “Q”, “R”, “S” (pronounced “X”, we’re working on it) right through “Z”!  I turned to my wife with a huge smile.  He continued to sing for the next 10 minutes until we got to the restaurant.  The radio didn’t need to come back on with sweet music like that.  I did join along for one round.  I felt bad that he was singing “now I know my ABC’s, next time won’t you sing with me” after each round and we weren’t joining in.  He started clapping for himself the more he sang it.  The ride to dinner was magical, musical, rather perfect.

We still have work to do on pronunciation and he gets excited during various parts, like “L-M-N-O-P”.  That’s pronounced “elmo p”.  Still, tonight was a breakthrough to get past “P”.  It’s the simple things in life that really bring the most joy.

I hope you now take a moment to refresh yourself on the A-B-C’s song.